Katherine (not her real name) is an executive assistant in Charlotte, North Carolina, and the wife of an Army reservist. She is worried about her parents who live on the North Carolina coast, a six-hour drive away. Lately Dad has been having trouble remembering things. On her last visit she discovered that Dad is far behind in the bills and is in danger of having the power and phone cut off and maybe losing the house altogether. He has been looking after Mom, who has been confined to a wheelchair for months, disabled by diabetes. Dad has been handling all of their legal and financial affairs, so Mom doesn’t know or understand their situation. Dad is absolutely adamant that “things are under control” and he and Mom are “not moving.”

Meanwhile, Katherine has her career, her husband, and two small children to care for three hundred miles away. To make matters worse, troops are being mobilized to go to the Middle East, and she might not see him for as long as a year. She would like very much to quit her job and handle things full time, but military pay often doesn’t cover the bills, so she must stay at the office. How can she keep her mind on both her job and her family?

Despite what her father says about staying put, Katherine knows that they will eventually have to move into assisted living, or even into a nursing home. That will require handling their finances as well as her own, and possibly wrangling with Medicaid and Social Security. The caregiver must also be familiar with the state as well as the federal regulations, some of which contradict each other.

First, there’s the job itself. Perhaps overtime and a long-distance commute are involved.
But then there are Mom’s and Dad’s doctor appointments. Either or both can be in the hospital at any given time. There is dealing with the hospital as well as the billing. Maybe the nursing home is double-billing Mom or Dad, citing state or federal regulations and thereby breezing through their savings. Or maybe Mom is in the latter stages of dementia and may scream during the night, waking up the entire household.

It’s so easy to feel confused and helpless when your life is in this much turmoil.