Being True to Yourself...

[lanelt]

This topic came up recently in this thread. It's a good one for anyone but I'm posting it here simply because the specific experience I encountered recently is specific to bookkeepers.

First let me explain the situation I encountered.

A while ago (18 months or so) I found a local networking group when I was perusing yahoo groups and requested to join it. The group was for local women business owners. Through the group I met another bookkeeper that had a practice locally. We connected because some people thought I shouldn't be in the group because we did the same thing. She and I talked and she worked on-site I work off-site so we agreed we were OK with this situation. Over a couple of months she and I met for coffee to discuss things and even collaborated on a presentation for the group. I got to know her a little bit and recommended a nation-wide bookkeeping association to her which she joined. That's what brings me to my point.

Through our in-person meetings I got to know her a bit, obviously. I knew things about her and started to feel comfortable in who she was as a person. Then on the associations email group I started seeing a completely different person. I'm the type that remembers (or even saves) things people say to put everything together to come up with an opinion on them -- especially when it's someone that I have a vested interest in knowing their true self (i.e. someone I had a desire to work professionally with). I had every intention of referring clients to her that I wouldn't be able to help due to our different approaches.

But, then I started catching her in outright lies. At that point, there was no way I would ruin my reputation by referring someone to her. I've spent a lot of time and effort in building my reputation and I won't let someone else ruin it. I also stopped asking her questions and even networking with her at all because it got to the point I didn't know who she really was because I was seeing so many different sides to this person.

So, yes, I ramble a lot but the point of this is to be true to yourself. I know it's important to keep your business and personal life separate but at the same time it's important to stay true to who you are in BOTH arenas. I have client's who have become friends and friends who have become clients. Because I am who I am no matter what they know what they're getting and trust me.

Also, you never know who's watching you. In my situation I met and got to know this person through a professional level but we were very friendly and I think that made her present a different side to me. I had mentioned that I didn't participate much in the email group on the association list we both joined. So, she might not have known I was watching her contradict herself which ruined my opinion of her.

In the end, she lost (what I think is) a valuable network partner.

What are your feelings on being true to yourself? How has this affected you personally in a good and/or bad way?

[D_Victoria_Virtual_Assistance]

Lanel,

What a fantastic post. Being true to yourself is extremely important for everyone and anyone. Your words are very true. It is unfortunate that the person you spoke about in your post turned out to be someone she truly was not!

With that being said, I find it difficult some days to be 100% me, because there is a part of me that is over exuberant, excitable and a bit goofy at times, qualities that while in personal situations may be ok, they certainly are not always good in the professional arena. So, I do struggle with that. Some may consider me a little bit too perky

However, as a Virtual Assistant, I find being yourself is very important. We don't have the opportunity to get to know people in person day in and day out. So being real, showing you are a person and not just a voice over the phone or computer operator is VERY important. There are some things I don't instantly share with people, but it is of a personal nature, so some people don't need to know about that at all!

I have yet to have any negative experiences from just being me . There are some people I find that don't get my intense positivity (ok ok....perkiness), but I am still able to find a common ground. That is just my nature. I also strive to be upfront and honest with my clients as well as my family and friends. Sometimes my delivery is all wrong, but I am learning. Trust me I am learning!

When all is said and done, being true to myself and to those most important to me matters the most (clients included).

[lanelt]

Darlene -- You brought up a good point, or you made me thing of something I wanted to add, or whatever.... LOL

Part of being true to yourself or being you results in your finding (most likely) your ideal client. To use you for example: if you're super perky there are some situations where I would find that personality trait extremely useful, others that FOR ME it would be annoying. But, if I know from the get-go who you really are I have a better idea if we're a fit for the long haul.

Now, for me, I'm professional, but also kind of laid back. I present that to people from the get-go. If I am contacted by someone who is super stuffy-professional (not saying professional is stuffy but there are stuffy professionals) they need to know I'm not like that. Then they can choose if they're OK with it. If I have to pretend to be stuffy-professional every time I work with that person because that's who I pretended to be I'm going to get tired fast and come to dislike working with that person because of the facade I have to put on any time I deal with them. If that's what they're looking for we'll both be happier if they work with someone else. And, I have a great person I can refer them to who's a wonderful bookkeeper (we work together a lot). That's not to say I won't work with the person, they just have to be willing and able to work with ME and me with them.

[Gems Virtual Office]

Great posts both of you! I also struggle at times with being the ultimate professional or just Deb. And I'm finding that when I try to be just the professional that it ends up sounding fake and not like me at all. So then I read the About Gem page on my website to remind myself why I picked the name I did for my business.....and realize thats who I want people to see.....the real me...so yes its very important to be true to yourself ALWAYS

[lanelt]

Deb --- I like your about me page. I especially like this statement:

I believe that personality as well as trust is very important when working with others.

[tildavirtual]

It wouldn't even occur to me to present myself differently online to what I am in real life. My tagline is 'making virtual personal' and so while you will get to know me you won't get TMI. It's really important to be true to yourself both online and in real life.

[Gems Virtual Office]

Thanks Lanel....I think its important because I've found that people with personality also display good communication skills and respect for others. Not to mention that its much easier to work with someone that you can laugh a little with and not always have to be worried about being that stuffy professional you talked about. But I do struggle with it at times(to much personality) because I want to be taken seriously...sometimes I wonder if I'm just to laid back and relaxed about business for others

[tildavirtual]

Deb, it's a waste of time to worry about what others are thinking. You are fantastic, a savvy business owner and if they don't want to work with you that is their loss.

[Gems Virtual Office]

thanks Kylie...and you are so right! Someday I'll get it right and not worry so much. I'll just keep reading blogs like yours....I like seeing all your personality and attitude(its a good thing) come out...that will inspire me to just be me...that and reading great threads like this one!

[lanelt]

Deb, it's a waste of time to worry about what others are thinking. You are fantastic, a savvy business owner and if they don't want to work with you that is their loss.

That was the absolute single most (I think) BEST lesson I ever learned.

Years ago someone told me "Some will. Some won't. So what. Next!". It's hard to really take that to heart but it's true.