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Old 11-08-2011
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Company name: ALC Office Services LLC
 
Join Date: Feb 2011
Location: Wichita KS
Posts: 149
Default What are your thoughts on my first attempt
A new type of administrative assistant has settled in Wichita. ALC Office Services is a virtual assistant company that provides administrative and support services to business owners of small and medium size businesses as well as non-profits, students, and individuals.

The International Virtual Assistant Association describes virtual assistants as “...independent contractors who (from a remote location, usually their home or office) support multiple clients in a variety of industries by providing administrative, creative and technical services.”

This new work style is grounded on technology, communication, and collaboration. It will foster more co-working and virtual offices. Virtual office professionals working from virtual offices assist business owners get more done, save time, save money, reduce effort and frustration that help grow clients’ business.

Virtual Assistants are not employees, but they are entrepreneurs. Consequently, they understand business owners’ challenges. Because virtual assistants contract as few as four hours a month to as much as 20 or more hours a month or even occasionally, clients, who don’t have the skills, time, or desire, have the unique opportunity to reduce their costs while increasing their effectiveness in growing their business.

One of those new virtual assistants, ALC Office Services, is located in Wichita and will provide services based on clients’ needs. Anne Camien, owner operator, has over 30 years of administrative knowledge with the insurance, communications, government, and other industries. She states, “We are here to take on the details so clients can put their focus where it belongs–their customers and their company's growth."

I won't be surprised if there's something that should be in this that isn't,but I hope I'm wrong. All suggestions will be more than welcome.
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Old 11-09-2011
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Company name: Marimac Administrative Solutions
 
Join Date: Nov 2011
Location: Medina, NY
Posts: 59
Default Re: What are your thoughts on my first attempt
Wonderfully written! I LOVE your opening line.

A few suggestions:
"Virtual office professionals working from virtual offices assist business owners get more done, save time, save money, reduce effort and frustration that help grow clients’ business." I would remove "working from virtual offices" as this is a little repetitive.

"Virtual Assistants are entrepreneurs, not employees."

"..4 hours a month to as much as 20.." If your consistent with how your reference the numbers (numerical instead of writing it out) it shows your thoroughness. Actually, that whole sentence is a little long. I would consider shortening it and maintaining your key points (flexibility on the number of hours, unique opportunity to reduce costs).

It really is very nicely written and good luck!
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Old 12-27-2011
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Company name: Codehead, LLP
Latest blog post: SEO Q&A
 
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Portland, OR
Posts: 9,131
Blog Entries: 3
Default Re: What are your thoughts on my first attempt
I'm sorry I missed this! Have you already sent it out? I really like the way you've framed your press release. It's great that you've included a supporting quote.

I agree with marimac that that one sentence is too long and could/should be broken up into two or three sentences. Perhaps you can add in a few specific services you offer as well?

If you've already sent this out I'd love to hear how it did for you!
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