Hi Dawn! I didn't find what you posted offensive at all. I think most of the time when people find something offensive that it applies directly to themselves - although they may not admit it - hence the reason why they are offended. (Kind of like Tiger Woods not being offended when someone jokingly said he should be lynched.)

I do like the idea of changing it into a question.

I'm a pretty nuts and bolts kind of gal and I'm glad you posted because it opened my eyes to my directness - again. I can't wait to get my website rolling and agonized over every thing I write...

Make it a great day!

Sundi

Hi Dawn,

I think you have some good "bones" to work with. I often use the question/answer approach to writing. It's an easy way to plug in the information you know clients are probably wondering.

I took your thoughts and came up with this rough draft:

Unsure what to delegate or how to keep tabs on delegated work? These are questions that virtual assistants understand and have the answers to. Delegating tasks is as easy as handing over your to-do list and much more cost effective than hiring an in-house employee. Many VAs use time-tracking software to easily provide detailed time reports.

What will you do with this newly found time? Build up your customer relationships, expand into new areas, spend less time in the office, and enjoy what got you interested in your business are just a few possibilities. Take a moment to review our services and free feel to inquire about any specialty services unique to your business not mentioned.

Now, you give it a try . . . .

Good luck and let us know how you make out,
~Ruth

Hi Dawn,

I also didn't find it at all offensive - I think what he meant was that it contained some home truths that people may not want to face up to.

I totally agree with the idea of rewording it as a question. Gets people thinking rather than stating it as fact.

Lisa

Sometimes the best thing to do is step away from it for a while and then re-read the content as if you've never seen it before. How does it make YOU feel when you read it?

__________________
Lily Chambers, The Virtual Office Goddess, LLC
Author "How to Do Your Own Small Business Bookkeeping"

Ruth's rewrite is great too!

__________________

Hi again,

I also meant to say that Ruth's rewrite was great. I especially love the "What will you do with this newly found time?" and the sentence after it. It's crucial to talk about what's in it for the client, and to paint a picture in their minds to stir their emotions in a positive way.

Lisa

Yes stepping away (which I did) helped out. I really like the forming it as a question, and the rewrite is great. Thanks for taking the time!

__________________
Dawn Riley
A Virtual Assistant in Paradise
Our business is about making yours better

Isn't it amazing what "stepping away" can do to your prospective?
Fresh eyes = Fresh ideas

~Ruth