Hi everyone,

I'd like some constructive criticism on this draft elevator speech, please. I will be delivering this or some variation on the theme at the next Chamber breakfast in a couple of weeks:

How often do you find yourself wishing there were more hours in the day? Well, I’m here to give them to you. I’m Daniela Chase and I operate Asset Virtual Business Support from my home office, communicating with clients by phone, fax and email. I provide customized administrative assistance and project management services to small business owners and solopreneurs to ensure they’re getting exactly the support they need. I coordinate, streamline and manage ongoing administrative processes to optimize efficiency and simplify records keeping so that my clients can focus on revenue generating activities. I also conduct research to identify targeted markets and develop and implement strategies for reaching them and creating new opportunities to increase market share. I communicate with my clients by phone, fax and email, keeping them up-to-date so that they can focus on meeting their targets, generating more profit, playing more golf and having more fun. And I would love the opportunity to speak with you in more detail about how Asset Virtual might help you find more time in your day.

Thanks in advance,
Daniela

Hi Daniela!

I think you have a really good start, but you should work on sounding more natural and relaxed. Elevator speeches have a tendency to make people want to produce mini commercials, but I don't think that turns people into clients.

Also, not everyone may understand what "manage ongoing administrative processes to optimize efficiency and simplify records keeping so that my clients can focus on revenue generating activities" means, especially if they're hearing other speakers.

Keep it simple. Speak naturally and use smaller words. Tell them who your target market is and how they benefit from working with you.

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April Sullivan
The REVA Academy

Daniela,

I recently had the pleasure of attending a seminar with Jill Lublin, "Guerrilla Publicity" and she gave this very simple advice. In your speech, identify a problem and give 3 solutions.

Example: Do you find there simply are not enough hours in the day? My Office Assistant can ORGANIZE your tasks to get them off your plate, STRATEGIZE with you to develop a solid plan of attack and implement your systems so that you can REACT to your client needs. See me today for some quick and simple tips to get you started.

You can use this method to tweak to any audience or venue. Remember, everyone is sitting there listening to 30/60 second commercials from many. Be brief, to the point and provide valuable information. Selling yourself is not about what you do but what you can do for them. And practice as you do not want to ramble or go over your time limit.

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Lee Drozak
My Office Assistant

April and Lee ~
Thank you for your insightful advice to Daniela. I am working on my "elevator speech" - not for an event, just everyday responses. I love the identify problem/provide solution angle and am going to work up a few different responses for different scenarios based on this suggestion.

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Melissa Rahko
www.offsitesecretary.com

To be truthful, April, those are important words for me to hear.

I spent many years in the legal industry, working with senior partners who serviced Fortune 500 clients, and in the corporate world. The "professionalism" I adopted in those environments can come across as overly stiff and formal. Reminding me to relax and keep it simple is good advice that I will take to heart.

Thanks, I really appreciate the input.

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Your Administrative Asset,
Daniela Chase

Thanks for the advice, Lee. Your variation sounds much more direct and to the point, and remarkably jargon-free. Mind if I work with it?

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Your Administrative Asset,
Daniela Chase

Daniela,

Not at all, let us know how it goes.

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Lee Drozak
My Office Assistant