Hi Lily,
I would suggest more focus on what's complete for you already (maybe announce the 'pending' things once they're finished...), and narrow your industry/niche - that's a long list! . Also, I'd suggest focusing the release on a central theme. Right now I'm not sure what it's about exactly - I mean, I know it's about your biz...but what's the angle?

Much of the info you provided would go in automatically at the bottom in the 'About Virtual Office Goddess' section - after the main press release copy. I'd rewrite and wrap up any currently applicable certificates, experience, awards etc. there as opposed to listing them in the main body.

Your recent batch of marketing postcards had a really neat approach with a great tagline - what about building something off of that, focus more on your services, particularly the bookkeeping, maintain that energy from the postcard referencing 'shoeboxes of paperwork under the bed', and then note the discounted rate?

One little point on narrowing the niche: I read a great quote from an Oprah transcript where a successful female entrepreneur said 'When you narrow the channel, you strengthen the stream' - she was applying the analogy, which references the natural world, to business - toward narrowing market focus.

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