Jean - Here's my advice: add in some part of your personal history - what brought you to virtual assistance - making it sound like you're well tuned-in to the needs of the market. Work this story as seamlessly as you can into the release (somewhere between the first and second paragraphs?). Then read the release out loud to yourself once or twice. Very important to read OUT LOUD. Make corrections. Then you should be good to go with it.

IMHO!

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Mary H. Ruth/Virtual Writing & Communications
http://www.writingVA.com